Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line!
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high.
My dad unfortunately passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day – a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils, but it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
What should you call an average potato? A commen-tator!
Why do math teachers make good dancers? Because they have algorithm.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography? A snapping turtle.
Where do robots go for fun? The circuits.
What did the mermaid wear to math class? An algae-bra.
What do you call children who are born in a whorehouse? Brothel sprouts.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.