What’s a confused person’s favorite unit of power? Watt?
Hunting sea life is terrible, it’s just so bad that I can’t stop whaling.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
Why don’t lice go to church? Because they are hair-ticks.
Why did the cookie smoke weed? Because it wanted to get baked.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
I don’t know if my ceiling is the best ceiling, but it’s definitely up there!
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
You better hold on to your nuts, because this is no ordinary blow job!
If you don’t know sign language, you should learn it - it’s pretty handy!
I was spontaneous once. I didn’t go as planned.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”
Fixing broken windows is a pane in the glass.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about their history of violins.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
Why are Romans bad at algebra? Because X always equals ten.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."