#punoftheday

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

#punoftheday

What's the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.

#punoftheday

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

#punoftheday

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible"

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

#punoftheday

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

#punoftheday

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

#punoftheday

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.