A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
Yesterday my dog ate two pieces of string. Today they came out tied together. I shit you knot!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What’s a bird’s favorite writing utensil? A pen-guin.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!
Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck? Now he's hooked on the quack.
Doctors are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.
I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
Why don’t owls exchange birthday gifts?
They don’t give a hoot!
A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace
What do you call a dictionary on drugs? HIGH-Definition.
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"